Flitus interview10/90

Bob: Okay, this is Bob and Bill interviewing Zebulon Neurwith and Starbuck Phoenix of the band Flitus. It's late and we're all hungry.

Starbuck Phoenix: The mega-band.

Zebulon Neurwith: The wonder band. Are we done? I'm really, really hungry.

Bill: Zeb, if someone gave you 50 bucks what would you do with it?

Zebulon: Buy tapes that nobody likes.

Bill: Starbuck, what instruments do you play in Flitus?

Starbuck: Washboards, mostly. And a banjo made out of a broomstick and cow guts.

Bill: Guitar too, right?

Starbuck: That too, I guess.

Bob: Do you help Zebulon write the songs?

Zebulon: I write the songs that make the whole world sing. I write the songs.

Starbuck: Yeah, beautiful songs.

Zebulon: I'm really impressed at how good we are at whatever we do.

Bill: When did Flitus first record?

Starbuck: I don't know.

Zebulon: Who cares. Late '88 or early '89.

Bob: What was your first song?

Starbuck: I don't know.

Zebulon: “Down Escalator To Hades.”

Starbuck: It was a haunting parody of “Stairway To Heaven.”

Zebulon: Some of the songs that will be on our first release will be “Joyride,” “No,” “Axe Murderer” and something else but I don't remember.

Bill: What other projects are you currently working on?

Zebulon: Hate.

Bill: Hate?

Zebulon: As in just hating everybody.

Bill: What about your contributions to ACC? The Umbilical Cord section?

Zebulon: That's stupid. You suck.

Bob: What are your musical influences?

Starbuck: Duke Ellington and Big Black. When I was a little kid I froze frogs then ran them under hot water to bring them back to life.

Zebulon: I had a dead fly collection in a Tupperware bowl.

Starbuck: We used to inject grasshoppers with Hydrogen Peroxide. It makes them blow up.

Bill: Really? Wow.

Zebulon: I could kill you in a second.

Bob: When do you expect to get in the studio to record?

Starbuck: That's an interesting situation. Zebulon has this problem that when he gets in front of a microphone, he starts to laugh. It wastes a lot of money and studio time.

Bill: What would happen if he actually sang?

Starbuck: Windows would break.

Zebulon: If you had a peach I could give you an air embolism and kill you.

Starbuck: Maybe we'll just release some acoustic stuff.

Zebulon: Percussionless ballads. Hey Bill, how's your hair?

Bill: Cool.

Zebulon: As in?

Bill: Not.

Zebulon: Whenever I used to play with Star Wars guys I picked Boba Fett because he's tough.

Starbuck: Cows are great.

Bob: Weren't you going to start to play drums, Zebulon?

Zebulon: Yeah, I have a drumstick in my car.

Starbuck: You're stupid. You keep a drumstick in your car.

Bob: How many cavities have you had?

Starbuck: I don't know. This would be a good time to wind this down, I think.

Bill: What's your point?

Starbuck: About six inches.

Bill: Last words?

Starbuck: So when was the last time someone hit you where it counts?

By The Billy Keaggy | Originally published in Atomic Circle of Chaos (ACC), February 1990i am keaggy.com