Bob: Okay, this is Bob and Bill interviewing Zebulon Neurwith and Starbuck Phoenix of the band Flitus. It's late and we're all hungry.
Starbuck Phoenix: The mega-band.
Zebulon Neurwith: The wonder band. Are we done? I'm really, really hungry.
Bill: Zeb, if someone gave you 50 bucks what would you do with it?
Zebulon: Buy tapes that nobody likes.
Bill: Starbuck, what instruments do you play in Flitus?
Starbuck: Washboards, mostly. And a banjo made out of a broomstick and cow guts.
Bill: Guitar too, right?
Starbuck: That too, I guess.
Bob: Do you help Zebulon write the songs?
Zebulon: I write the songs that make the whole world sing. I write the songs.
Starbuck: Yeah, beautiful songs.
Zebulon: I'm really impressed at how good we are at whatever we do.
Bill: When did Flitus first record?
Starbuck: I don't know.
Zebulon: Who cares. Late '88 or early '89.
Bob: What was your first song?
Starbuck: I don't know.
Zebulon: Down Escalator To Hades.
Starbuck: It was a haunting parody of Stairway To Heaven.
Zebulon: Some of the songs that will be on our first release will be Joyride, No, Axe Murderer and something else but I don't remember.
Bill: What other projects are you currently working on?
Zebulon: As in just hating everybody.
Bill: What about your contributions to ACC? The Umbilical Cord section?
Zebulon: That's stupid. You suck.
Bob: What are your musical influences?
Starbuck: Duke Ellington and Big Black. When I was a little kid I froze frogs then ran them under hot water to bring them back to life.
Zebulon: I had a dead fly collection in a Tupperware bowl.
Starbuck: We used to inject grasshoppers with Hydrogen Peroxide. It makes them blow up.
Bill: Really? Wow.
Zebulon: I could kill you in a second.
Bob: When do you expect to get in the studio to record?
Starbuck: That's an interesting situation. Zebulon has this problem that when he gets in front of a microphone, he starts to laugh. It wastes a lot of money and studio time.
Bill: What would happen if he actually sang?
Starbuck: Windows would break.
Zebulon: If you had a peach I could give you an air embolism and kill you.
Starbuck: Maybe we'll just release some acoustic stuff.
Zebulon: Percussionless ballads. Hey Bill, how's your hair?
Zebulon: As in?
Zebulon: Whenever I used to play with Star Wars guys I picked Boba Fett because he's tough.
Starbuck: Cows are great.
Bob: Weren't you going to start to play drums, Zebulon?
Zebulon: Yeah, I have a drumstick in my car.
Starbuck: You're stupid. You keep a drumstick in your car.
Bob: How many cavities have you had?
Starbuck: I don't know. This would be a good time to wind this down, I think.
Bill: What's your point?
Starbuck: About six inches.
Bill: Last words?
Starbuck: So when was the last time someone hit you where it counts?
|By The Billy Keaggy | Originally published in Atomic Circle of Chaos (ACC), February 1990||i am keaggy.com|